ZEN FOR Censorship:

 * A day without sunshine is like ... night.

 * On the other hand, you have different fingers.

 * I just got lost in thought. It wasn't familiar territory.

 * 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

 * 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

 * I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

 * Honk if you love peace and quiet.

 * Remember, half the people you know are below average.

 * He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

 * The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the

 cheese.

 * I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

 * Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.

 * Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your week.

 * A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

 * Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

 * I'm planning to be spontaneous tomorrow.

 * Always try to be modest, and be proud of it!

 * If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

 * How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.

 * OK, so what's the speed of dark?

 * How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

 * When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

 * Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

 * Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

 * How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

 * Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

 * What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

 * I used to have an open mind but now it's all filled up.

 * I couldn't fix your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

 * Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

 * Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what

 happened.

 * Just remember - if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.

 * Light travels faster than sound, which is why some people appear

 bright until you hear them speak.